I kind of expected a big 75th anniversary issue, but no such thing. Instead, we get the opposite of something really cool: The first appearance of Arkon.
It’s actually not a bad comic, I just don’t care for Arkon. I don’t know if it’s the lack of imagination (he’s Conan with lightning bolts) or the sexism (he’s Conan) or the fact that I just don’t love barbarian books (again, Conan).
We start with Hank and Jan quitting…
Yellowjacket and Wasp quit the team to go study the effects of offshore drilling in Alaska, and, as if to meet a quota, another man and woman team show up to replace them: Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.
We also see that Quicksilver apparently can run like a cannonball. We already learned he can fly by rubbing his legs like a cricket, so being able to run without moving his legs makes about the same amount of sense.
When Pietro arrives at the mansion, Clint is trying to figure out how to merge his Hawkeye and Goliath identities.
He’s also glad that he’s wearing his sexy costume because Black Widow arrives.
Clint is still smitten with her. But his ab-revealing costume doesn’t win her over.
But of course they will see each other again. They’ll even be in several major motion pictures together!
We see Pietro and Wanda, still looking for a way to get Scarlet Witch her powers back. Toad is chillin’ with them.
They track down some mystic texts.
Toad really seems to be crushing on Wanda (and who can blame him?).
The witch side of her name is in full effect.
But instead of returning her powers, she unleashes the multidimensional barbarian named Arkon the Magnificent….
Who kidnaps Wanda.
To be his bride.
Toad couldn’t stop him.
It’s the first appearance of Arkon who, ironically, also appeared and screwed up West Coast Avengers for their 75th issue, too.
Anyway, Arkon immediately got the hots for Wanda and decided to blow up Earth (because destroying Earth would, apparently, create an interdimensional sun so that his own world could survive-don’t ask).
So, the team goes to Arkon’s world, saves Wanda, and prevents catastrophe.
It’s cold there. So much for that sexy costume, eh?
For some reason (Stockholm syndrome?), Scarlet Witch kinda falls for him.
But then, she never was the most stable person in the Marvel Universe.
Anyway, Scarlet Witch falls in love with the dude (he is pretty cut and he got that long hair–Vision got no hair at all), but by the end everything is back to the way it was. Arkon has a way with the ladies. In future appearances, he tries to get it on with Storm.
The team shows up and saves both Arkon’s world and Wanda.
This panel, above, is the first time Vision and Scarlet Witch see each other. It’s kind of fitting the helps save her from a forced marriage.
There’s also a King Kong style Empire State Building battle for the big finish.
(Except in this version, Goliath is King Kong.)
Of course. And Wanda ends the story pining away.
Let’s make sense of this by saying she never knew her daddy (who was Magneto, after all) and has had a pretty traumatic life being bounced around from bad to good teams, brainwashed by Magneto, etc.
There’s gotta be a back story why he’s been in so many major appearances. He was in JLA/Avengers, too…
And even appeared in the X-Men cartoon!
Graded C-. I just can’t grade an Arkon appearance any higher.