THE TEN WORST COMIC BOOK MOVIES OF ALL TIME!

Note: This post was originally written and posted in 2016 on an old site. I’m reprinting it here, without updating it to include the latest horrid group of DC Justice League movies.

10.  Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

We spend the whole movie listening to a neurotic CGI on a surfboard scream about how Earth is about to get eaten, but in the big climactic finish we never actually see Galactus. Even Jessica Alba naked can’t save this movie.

9.  Superman Returns (2006)

In which the studio hires Brian Singer—the genius behind the first X-Men movies—to essentially remake Superman II, only without any of the cool parts.

8.  The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

This movie wasn’t just bad, it was totally unnecessary.  Sam Raimi already created the perfect origin movie, all they needed to do was recast the lead and tell a new story.

7.  Man of Steel (2013)

I know there are people who actually like this film, but they are wrong.  The only similarity between the Man of Steel and Superman is their power sets.  Other than that, this is a story about a brutal lunatic with serious Daddy issues who acts with his fists before his brain and has no allegiance to anyone, and little love for anyone (including himself).

6.  Catwoman (2004)

Wherein the filmmakers do the impossible: Make Halle Berry unsexy.

5.  Green Lantern (2011)

OK. Who wants to argue with me about this one?

4.  Steel (1997)

I’ll have a slice of Shaq cheese, please.

3.  Ghost Rider (2007)

And a double size portion of Nic cheese as well.

2.  Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

So many bad Superman movies, so little time.  And this was the worst of them all because, conceptually, it should have been the best: Superman decides to rid the world of nukes.  This could have gone so many ways: He sees himself as a God with a mission to save humanity, or he sees nukes as a threat that he needs to protect himself from, it could have gone into his internal conflict with his adoptive country and planet…Instead, it didn’t do any of those things.

1.  FANT4STIC (2015)

The Top 10 Reasons FANT4STIC Is the Worst Comic Book Movie of All time.

10.  The dialog and characters were all stock and cliché

9.  My Nintendo DS has better visual effects.

8.  There is a pretty-cool scene showing them mutate into having their powers, but then the movie fast forwards a full year so we don’t get to see them come to terms with their new states of being—for Thing, this is a huge wasted opportunity of character development.  For all of them, this could have added some lightness and humor to an otherwise bleak and dour film.

7.  Dr. Doom’s backstory is omitted entirely.  He just makes no sense at all.  Plus, his master plan at the end of the movie is just to destroy Earth.  Nothing else.  He wants rule Planet Zero, which is strange because…

6.  Instead of travelling to outer space, they travel to another dimension which is not the Negative Zone but, instead, is called “Planet Zero.”  Which is appropriate, because there is zero on that planet.  Nothing.  No Annihilus.  No cool weirdness.  Nothing except space and gas.

5.  I don’t care that Human Torch was black, really, but the key to F4 has always been family.  Susan and Johnny aren’t really family in this movie.  Family is barely mentioned in the film, in fact.

4.  It’s not until the final battle with Doom that anybody in this movie actually runs.  Yes, I mean runs.  Like, with their feet.  It’s an action movie where nobody breaks a sweat.  Plus, the movie takes place almost entirely inside buildings.

3.  It swept the Razzie awards, winning Worst Director, Sequel, and Worst Picture (tying with Fifty Shades of Grey).

2.  There was an awesome scene in the previews of Thing jumping out of a plane to act as a human bomb, causing destruction below.  But this, the best scene in the movie, the one they used to entice ticket sales, was cut.

1.  Director Josh Trank tweeted on opening weekend, warning audiences against seeing his own movie.